There I was thinking that it's the right thing to do.
I mean think about it now:
1. She's pregnant,
2. We've been together for 2 years,
3. I love her,
4. We spend time together,
5. I'm old enough now,
6. Even better..........I earn enough
Damn this is the right thing to do *Thinking to myself while my mother is going on and on about the beauties of a family*. I bet you this is the right time, and besides even if I don't do it now, I still have to do it sometime, so why not now.
Come on I'm about to be a dad, this means there has to be a mother and a child.
This is my family!!!!***Husband, Wife, Kid****sounds nice
Ok mom I hear you, I'll do it and she did suggest it to me while she was 5 months in her pregnancy. Let's set the date, call Malume and I'll arrange the money. Without exhaustive thinking, there I was payin’ lobola for someone I thought I love just because my mom and her said it's the right thing to do and so I can be close to my child.
After the baby was born, she went home for some motherly lessons. Now this is when everything came together, the missing puzzles gathered together to make a perfect picture of what I have done.
My mom is happy, she is happy, my child will be close to me but I am not happy. I can't do what I want to do at my own time, and it's getting even more harder for me to pretend that I'm fine.
Ok maybe I need to open up to my mom. Ring ring....!!!! Mama I ain't feeling this no more.
eish wena man........marriages start like this, you'll get over it. Come on now don't leave her, think about your child growing up without being close to the father. Ok mama will do.
Neerrrrrrrrrr!!!! What's the use of my child growing up in an environment that is completely loveless? I was never ready for this.......I didn't wanna betray my mom's trust.........this girlfriend even told me that if I don't pay lobola for her, I ain't never gon' see my child..............Damn was I or am I trapped?
Then why did I do it?**asking myself with tremendous regret***
- I did it because I didn't want to stay away from my child
- I did it because she suggested I marry her because she's pregnant
- I did it to impress my mom
- I did it because I can afford to
Hey wait a minute..........................!
- I was not ready
- I was not loving her anymore
- She has been too demanding and controlling for my liking
- Besides if she never said she was pregnant, I was dumping her the same day
- She is not my soulmate
- She is insecure
- She dislikes my friends
- She is not friendly
- She never even once wash, iron, even cooked for me *ok cooking maybe once*
Damn now that I'm puttin all this down, I see what they mean when they say love is blind. Why didn't I see all of these before? Maybe it's because she never gave me the freedom to be alone with my friends to see real life happenings and facts.
She is too "the bold and the beautiful" and "days of our lives" all that TV staff (cut aaaaand action). All this is not reality, but directed.
Narrr man vandaag I'm telling her that I'm out. I will look after my child.
Written with confusion.... Deejay
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