How do you make a relationship that can stand the test of time?

Ohhhhh I know it’s been a while.

Now a lot has changed since last year, my life has taken another level and my mind has a different way of thinking and life experience is now…………something else.

I have written articles about relationships, xenophobia (poems), and some were just “no sense” articles.
Don’t you think it’s about time we start focusing on staff that some people encounter on their relationships? Yeah I also think we should.

Over the past weeks, I have been chilling with the elders who are still going strong in their relationships with their wives/husbands for over 10 years. My motive was simple….

How do you make a relationship that can stand the test of time?

Now as young as I am, I thought they’ll probably say “well you have to find the right person”. To my surprise not even one of them mentioned anything about finding the right person or finding anything of that sort until I asked “what if the person is not right?” Only then, one old lady who has been married for 52 years said “you are the right person you trying to find and you choose whom to be right for” and her husband followed by saying ”in most cases, people treat you the way they do because of the way you treat them”. Now this was too matured for my little brain and I needed it to be elaborated because I know there are some people you’d do everything for and still screw you up like you just a no body.

“Well my friend” said a very sweet voice from 38 year old who got married when she was 18 “there are exceptions, some people are not worth your time and to such a great surprise, those are the people we normally waste our time with”. With more confusion I asked “how would you tell if someone is worth your time or not?” With a smile on her face she said, you’ll know and you’ll stop wanting to be with someone because you want to and start being with someone because you need to.
This made me realise that in most cases, we want to be with the people we want rather than the ones we need.

As I was about to ask about the things that we want/desire from our dream partners e.g. great looks, nice sexy body, education, well earning, respectable employment and so forth. An older man asked me “do you think you, yourself have all these things you want from a woman?” well I have a job, not bad looking at all, I’m a bit educated, and hell yeah I’m sexy I said with a smile on my face. All that you have might not be what a woman wants from you and 50 years down the coming years all your looks will be somehow. Try to commit to someone you love talking to than the one you wanna brag with to your friends. ***This sounds so TV like*** I thought to myself.

After a very long time asking questions and actively listening to the elderly advices, I asked my final question which I think they have been avoiding all along with what I thought is impossible to implement.

How do you make a relationship that can stand the test of time?

This is what they told me:

• There is no one size fits all solution that will make a relationship stand the test of time, it all differs from couple to couple.
• All relationships have got their own good and bad times (no it’s the other way round), all relationships have their own bad and great times.
• You’ll be surprise to go for someone you just met only to find that s/he’ll give you more stress than your previous partner.
• Don’t loose yourself in love because it needs you to be you, than to be someone else.
• Change the things you can change and accept the ones you can’t
• Find a common ground that is a bit comfortable for both of you.
• Spend time together, but not all your time. You still need to socialise with your friends away from each other and have the “I miss my partner” feeling.
• Never be scared to speak your mind, respectfully

Unfortunately I just remember a few, that they said and it made me realise that, no matter whom you with it’s never going to be that smooth especially since you not from the same family background, culture and place.

On closure of this article just keep these questions in mind:

• Are you still searching even though you have someone?
• Are you still looking for all the qualities you want in a partner?
• What are you waiting to see from that person before you stop searching?
• Is that the person you want or need?
• Are you yourself or you pretending to be someone else?